The Senate is considering a sweeping legislative Billsponsored by the Democratic Party that will providenew benefits for many more Americans. TheAmericans With No Abilities Act is being hailed as amajor legislative goal by advocates of the millions ofAmericans who lack any real skills and ambition.
“Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possessthe competence and drive necessary to carve out ameaningful role for themselves in society," saidCalifornia Sen. Barbara Boxer. "We can no longerstand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to beridiculed and passed over. With this legislation,employers will no longer be able to grant specialfavors to a small group of workers, simply becausethey have some idea of what they are doing."In a Capitol Hill press conference Nancy Pelosipointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service,which has a long-standing policy of providingopportunity without regard to performance. At thestate government level, the Department of MotorVehicles also has an excellent record of hiringPersons with No Ability (63%).Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than25 million mid-level positions will be created, withimportant-sounding titles but little real responsibility,thus providing an illusory sense of purpose andperformance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises andpromotions will be given to guarantee upwardmobility for even the most unremarkable employees.The legislation provides substantial tax breaks tocorporations that promote a significant number ofPersons of Inability (POI) into middle-managementpositions, and give a tax credit to small and medium sizedbusinesses that agree to hire one cluelessworker for every two talented hires.Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act containstough new measures to make it more difficult todiscriminate against the non-abled, banning, forexample, discriminatory hiring interview questionssuch as, "Do you have any skills or experience thatrelate to this job?"
"As a non-abled person, I can't be expected to keepup with people who have something going for them,"said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lugnuttwister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due toher inability to remember "righty tighty, leftyloosey". "This new law should be real good forpeople like me. I'll finally have job security." Withthe passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of otheruntalented citizens will finally see a light at the endof the tunnel.
Said Sen. Dick Durbin (Illinois): "As a senator withno abilities, I believe the same privileges thatelected officials enjoy ought to be extended toevery American with no abilities. It is our duty aslawmakers to provide each and every Americancitizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, withsome sort of space to take up in this great nationand a good salary for doing so.”